


Starting Over, Something New

by PlaneJane



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-01
Updated: 2012-06-01
Packaged: 2017-11-06 13:07:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/419261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlaneJane/pseuds/PlaneJane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur won’t bottom and Merlin can’t persuade him otherwise.  But when Arthur has an unexpected change of heart, Merlin finds he’s no longer as keen to top.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Starting Over, Something New

Merlin loves being fucked. No two ways about it. He’d never say no to having his cock sucked or his arsehole rimmed, but all in all, if he could choose his pleasure, it would be a pounding with long, thick cock up his arse and a last minute tug to chase out and heighten his climax. He honestly can’t understand, given the enthusiasm with which he rides Arthur’s cock, gets on all fours for him or lies on his back with his knees up to his chest, why it doesn’t appeal to Arthur. There have even been a few times, when Arthur’s hit that spot just right, where Merlin’s come without touching his cock: the orgasm ripped out of him from the inside, his hole clenching, his balls in spasm and the come spurting and dripping from his slit. 

It’s so much more intense, coming when he’s being touched inside and outside, and try as he might to explain this to Arthur, there’s no persuading him. He won’t bottom. He never has.

Arthur’s funny like that. Like a lot of people with enviable physiques, Arthur is desperately self-conscious. Merlin, on the other hand, has no inhibitions whatsoever. He knows he’s not buff, but he’s in good shape. His cock is pretty average, and he’s under no illusion that when he’s bouncing on Arthur’s lap, his face screwed up in the throes of passion, he probably looks a bit ridiculous. But then, so does everyone. Except Arthur. He has a pained expression just before he comes, which Merlin finds sort of sweet, but other than that, he’s all a bit … well … restrained. Merlin suspects he has issues with exposing his hole. But Arthur won’t talk about it. His usual excuse runs something along the lines of, “I like fucking you. It turns me on knowing how much you like it. If you fucked me, it wouldn’t be as good for either of us.” And that may be true—perhaps it wouldn’t be as good with Merlin topping—but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth a try.

Then, one day, out of the blue, Arthur announces with far too much enthusiasm, “I want you to fuck me.”

“Have you suddenly grown a vagina?”

Arthur blushes beet red. Merlin feels awful because he really thought Arthur was joking. “Seriously?” he asks with more kindness.

“Yes, seriously.”

“What’s brought this on?”

“Something Gwaine said.”

“What did he say?” Merlin tries not to sound hurt, though he really is, because Arthur doesn’t even like Gwaine that much. Yet Gwaine has managed to say something to convince Arthur to give bottoming a try, where Merlin, his lover and best friend, has been patiently trying for the best part of a year and has got nowhere.

“He told me Elena pegged him. He said it was different, not fantastic, but definitely something he’d try again.”

Merlin rolls his eyes but doesn’t say anything.

Arthur continues, “He said the biggest put-off for him wasn’t her wearing a dildo, it was the anal. Just, you know, it made him cringe. But then he said when he thought that’s what you and I do, and how much we love each other, he realised he was being silly. He said, ‘If Arthur Pendragon, the biggest prude in the known universe, didn’t mind a tongue or cock in his arse, then why should he?’”

“You didn’t tell him you’ve never had a tongue or a cock inside your arse?”

“No. I didn’t—”

“It’s a competition with you, isn’t it? You feel like he’s got one up on you now? Anything Gwaine can do, Arthur can do better.”

Merlin can’t hide his anger. This isn’t the way he hoped it would be, when Arthur finally changed his mind. It was supposed to be this loving, trusting journey; a destination they arrived at together, just the two of them. 

Merlin thinks about a long walk, by himself. He heads for the door. Arthur takes his hand, his eyes full of remorse. “I’ve ruined it, haven’t I? You don’t want to now.”

“No, I don’t.”

Arthur nods and his shoulders hunch over, his misery tightening over his entire body. It’s ironic that for someone with all his supposed control, Arthur’s completely unable to disguise his feelings from Merlin. Merlin doesn’t need to look at his face, to look in his eyes to know how upset he is. Arthur’s squeezing Merlin’s hand too hard. Merlin jerks it away and closes the front door behind him without looking back.

***

They haven’t had sex for a week. Arthur won’t initiate it now. It makes Merlin seethe. He’s as angry with himself as he is with Arthur, because deep down he knows he should have more sympathy. It’s Friday night. Seven days have gone by and Merlin’s had nothing more than a solo wank in the shower. 

They didn’t go out with their friends tonight. Merlin feigned a headache and he and Arthur silently watched a film with a heist and too much CGI. 

As soon as it’s over, Arthur takes a shower—a very long shower. He doesn’t announce he’s going to bed, like he usually does, but he doesn’t come out of the bedroom either. Merlin turns off the telly and hears the bed creaking, rhythmically. He strains to hear, and there’s no mistaking Arthur’s heavy breathing. He’s having a wank, without Merlin. And he’s not being discreet about it either.

A week of sulking is long enough. Merlin wants something, anything—a handjob wouldn’t go amiss. He’d settle for a cuddle. He creeps to the door and silently pushes it open, fully expecting to see Arthur on his back with his cock in his hand. 

That’s not what he sees.

Arthur is naked, lying on his side, knees bent, facing the door. He’s got one arm behind his back and the other curled under his head. His cock is half-mast, resting on his thigh. His eyes are closed.

Merlin swallows hard, not sure what to do or say next. From the way Arthur’s forearm flexes, Merlin’s sure he’s got at least one of his fingers up his arse. He wants to see it. 

Merlin whispers, “Don’t move a muscle,” as if any sudden noise might spoil the moment. 

Moving to the far side of the bed, Merlin sees he’s right. Arthur has his middle finger in his hole, the rest of his fingers splayed on his arse cheeks. It’s a beautiful sight. Merlin’s mouth goes dry. He asks gently, “Can I join you?”

“Yes,” Arthur replies, his voice shaky. 

Merlin strips, climbs onto the bed behind Arthur and wraps his arm around his chest; plants kisses in his hair and on his temple. “I can do that to you, if you like.”

Arthur takes his finger out and curls his hand into a loose fist, drawing it back in front of his body, under his chin. Merlin’s tempted to take it back, to take Arthur’s finger in his mouth, to show him it’s all right. The smells and tastes from inside him are all right. But Merlin’s walking a fine line and he doesn’t want to risk it. 

Merlin sucks his finger into his mouth and slides it gently into Arthur’s tight, hot hole. Arthur opens his eyes and turns his face, and Merlin can see the apology written over his glassy eyes, the downturn of his mouth. They kiss, softly and slow, while Merlin fingers Arthur like he’s touching a fragile bird. 

“All right? Is this all right?”

Arthur nods and reaches back for Merlin’s thigh, pulling him closer.

Merlin’s not expecting this to end in him topping. In a way, it’s a relief because now he’s spent so much time thinking about it a whole slew of worries have crept in. Arthur has incredible control. It’s rare for him to come before Merlin, unless Merlin asks him to. Not only that, Arthur knows exactly what position to angle his cock to make it good for Merlin. And Arthur is strong. He can take Merlin’s weight whatever position they’re in. When Merlin rides Arthur, back to chest, Arthur puts his hands under Merlin’s hips and holds him up and fucks into him. It’s Merlin’s favourite position. If Arthur wanted to try that, Merlin would have to start weight-training.

Arthur takes Merlin’s wrist and pulls his finger free from his hole. He turns around and says, “I wish I hadn’t made such a big deal about this.”

“It’s not a big deal. It’s no one’s business but ours, and we don’t have to, ever. You were right. We like having sex the way we do. There’s no need to change anything.” Merlin smiles his reassurance.

“No, there’s no _need._ But you wouldn’t have asked me so many times if you didn’t want to do it, which means that what we’re doing now isn’t enough for you. And that makes it not enough for me.”

“No, it is. It is enough.”

“Shh. Let me finish. I keep making all these excuses, but what it boils down to is that I’m a bit scared. Stupid, huh?”

“It’s not stupid. I’m a bit scared, too.”

“But I’m less scared now I’ve said it.”

“Well, when you’re ready we could start with my finger, or a toy.”

“I’m ready now. And I want your cock inside me.”

Merlin has to look away, because his heart is pounding and his throat is tight. 

“Merlin?” Arthur kisses his jaw and puts a loose fist around Merlin’s flaccid cock. He says lightly, “It’ll be fine. You might actually like it.”

Merlin's almost overwhelmed by how much courage it’s taken Arthur to come this far. He slaps his arse cheek and replies, “Pass the lube. Let’s get this show on the road.” 

Merlin works slick fingers into Arthur’s hole. Arthur lies on his side, his shoulders pressed to Merlin’s chest. He’s surprisingly relaxed. When Merlin touches his prostate he sucks in a sharp breath. Merlin knows from the noises he makes, from the way he’s squeezing Merlin’s wrist that he likes it.

Arthur gets on his elbows and knees. Merlin almost never gets to see him like this. Arthur’s back is ripped with muscles. It’s difficult to make out the bumps of his spine, except at his neck where his broad flexing shoulders are bracing his weight against the pillows. Merlin runs the back of his fingers from Arthur’s shoulder blades to the top of his pelvis. He bends down and kisses the glistening, golden skin and reaches beneath Arthur to touch his cock, hanging half hard between his legs. 

In the dim light coming from the hall, the crease in Arthur’s arse is dark — a secret promise. Now that Arthur’s fine about Merlin touching him there with his fingers, Merlin runs his thumb downwards, pushing lube into Arthur’s hole. He slicks his cock, taking his time warming it up, working his fist up and down, making sure he’s fully hard. 

“I’m ready,” Arthur says. 

He is, but Merlin isn’t. 

“When I push in, it’s going to feel tight. It might hurt a bit at first. Try not to squeeze your hole, at least until the tip’s in.”

Arthur murmurs his assent and lets his head drop. Merlin puts the tip of his cock against Arthur’s slicked-up entrance. He can feel the soft, puckered skin and as he presses forward, beneath it, the strong rings of muscle that he has to breach. He bites his lip, he holds his cock firm and pushes as steadily as he can past the resistance. It’s tight, so fucking tight it feels like all the blood is being squeezed out of his erection. Arthur is growling in the back of his throat, holding still. Without taking a breath, Merlin keeps pushing and at last there’s a slight relief as the head of his cock is inside; he’s looking down at it buried in Arthur, tight and hot and smooth. 

“I’m in,” Merlin breathes, in wonder. 

Arthur’s shoulders shake. “Really? I didn’t feel a thing.”

Merlin puts his hands on Arthur’s hips and slides in millimetres at a time, waiting for Arthur to breathe through the fullness, to relax around the intrusion. Merlin needs this slowness, too. Having his whole cock enveloped so tight, every movement giving him sensation over every nerve-ending in the tip of his cock is nothing like a sloppy fist. It’s not the same as a mouth either. It’s tight, really tight, and that makes it intense in a way he’s almost forgotten about. He’s only done this a couple of times, and never with Arthur. He can’t even think about the other places he likes to be touched because the electrifying sensations that are sparking in his cock are all he can take. He itches to move. He deliberately takes it slow, for his own sake as much as Arthur’s.

“You okay?” Merlin asks, when he’s buried to the hilt. 

“Yeah. But my cock’s flopped,” Arthur says, in apology.

“It’s the shock. If it feels good when I start moving, it’ll soon perk up. Do you want me to touch you?”

“No, I want you to move.”

Merlin's too tense to laugh. He pulls out an inch and takes a tentative thrust forward. He groans out loud. “Shit, you’re tight. So fucking tight.”

“That's a good thing?”

“Yes. Fuck, yes.”

“If you need to come, don’t hang on, don’t wait for me.”

“But—”

“No buts. It’s our first time — like starting over.”

Merlin hasn't dwelled on that, but it's true. It's his first time, too, and Arthur was mindful of it all this time. The only response to that is, “I love you.”

“I know. Me too.”

Merlin pulls back until the tip of his cock is almost out, watching Arthur’s hole dragging tight around him. Then he pushes back in slowly, the blissful rub along the length of his cock making him tingle to his toes. He can hear Arthur, sighing with the press in. Next thrust he goes faster, harder, and Arthur’s back arches. A few more thrusts and Merlin’s thighs slap into Arthur’s backside; Arthur groans and pushes back. 

Merlin stops worrying. Merlin stops thinking beyond angling his cock in, keeping his legs steady and pounding into Arthur. 

“Fuck, Merlin I’m hard, I’m hard again,” Arthur bites out around each forced out breath. 

“You like this? You like me fucking you?”

“Yes. If I touch my dick I’m gonna come soon.”

“Do it. I want to feel you come.”

Merlin reaches beneath Arthur again, to feel him. He’s hard, and Merlin feels the slip-slide of the fluid at the tip as he gives Arthur’s cock an erratic tug. “Jesus. Arthur.”

Merlin’s climax comes out of nowhere. He doesn’t have time to grab the base of his cock, to squeeze it back, to stop the inevitable. When he comes, when his balls clench out his semen into Arthur’s arse, Merlin feels it warm and slick all around the end of his cock. He tries to keep moving through it and beyond, as much as the overstimulation on his cock is like needles and nails down a chalkboard. 

But the next moment, with Arthur’s elbow jerking as he fists himself and his hips pushing back, his arse is clenching around Merlin's cock. Arthur freezes, jerks, freezes and jerks again — each time the ring of muscles in his arse clenching Merlin's cock like a vice.

Arthur doesn’t make much noise when he comes. The power of his orgasm vibrates out of every muscle in his body. Merlin’s cock, slippery, pink and spent, is pushed out of Arthur’s arse from the force of it. Merlin collapses onto Arthur’s back. He wraps his arms around Arthur’s waist, reaching down to slide his fingers over Arthur’s softening cock, to cup his balls and give them an affectionate squeeze.

After some seconds, the both of them still in the same position, panting, Arthur says, “Your come’s leaking out of my arse.”

“Yeah. That’s probably my least favourite thing about sex.”

Arthur extracts Merlin’s arms and flops onto his side, pulling Merlin down next to him. Merlin’s on the wet patch Arthur made when he came.

“It’s not that bad.”

“What about the rest of it?”

Arthur shifts and rests his head on Merlin’s chest. Merlin holds him and waits. 

“It was good, feeling you coming inside me, pushing into me instead of outside me. I won’t be as uptight about it next time. You won’t have to hang on so long for me.” He pauses, adds, "There's going to be a next time? You liked it?"

"Yeah. I did. But we definitely need more practice."

Merlin's winding down, his mind slowing to the point where he's almost drifting off, when Arthur says into the darkness, "Gwaine and Elena have a sex swing in their cellar."

Merlin doesn't have the energy to slap Arthur round the head. He mumbles back, "We don't have a cellar."

He can literally hear Arthur smiling. But Merlin goes to sleep with the last laugh behind his lips. He checked the joists in the spare room months ago. In the morning, he'll show Arthur the pencil marks he put on the ceiling.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the First Time Fest, for alba17 and jelazakazone, who both wanted to see [Arthur bottom for the first time](http://marguerite-26.livejournal.com/682557.html?thread=13246781#t13246781). 
> 
> On my [Livejournal.](http://planejane.livejournal.com/150425.html)


End file.
